The Most Effective Self Soothing Strategy
I see many ads, apps, and articles with suggestions on how to calm down, and I have recommended similar ideas myself: breathe, move your body, hydrate, eat protein, etc.
All that being said, my experience has taught me the most calming thing one can do to get out of “fight/flight” is to be in the presence of someone safe and trusted; someone who will simply hold the space for you to express your feelings and concerns and accept them without judgment.
Being heard, validated, and supported has a powerful and positive impact on the nervous system. Our evolutionary process has led to a more complex brainstem that is activated when we hear a soothing voice, see a smiling or relaxed face, and notice calm gestures.
I call these experiences AllySupport© interactions. These interactions will help decrease cortisol levels, boost serotonin and endorphin levels, and generally quiet your nervous system. This, in turn, will help you build resilience and strengthen your coping skills. A person you can have these safe, supportive interactions with that calm your state of being is what I call an Ally.
How do you know you are in the presence of an Ally?
When you are in the presence of an Ally, you will never have that tightness in your gut or piercing feeling in your heart. You will feel calm and comfortable in your skin.
Allies possess specific relationship & communication qualities such as:
Hearing with their ears and their hearts
Allowing you to feel important and valued
Being “safe” for you to be your authentic self and being attuned to our internal state by offering their authentic selves
Being keenly aware of how their behavior affects others/you
Avoiding shaming, judging, or “should”ing
Modeling ally behavior rather than preaching or lecturing
Inviting collaborative interaction
Listening without fixing
Giving advice only when asked
Providing consistency
Communicating clearly without interjecting their agenda (fears or anxieties)
In their presence, you will feel more relaxed, calmed, and soothed. You will become a better problem solver, and you will generally feel better about yourself... and isn’t that what we all need right now?
Learn more about individual and group sessions on AllySupport©.
