How to build your resilience
I recently took a few resilience quizzes, and I became quite curious on the subject as we enter this new year somewhat emotionally, physically, and spiritually bruised. My curiosity lies in this question: Can someone change their perspective to become more resilient?
It turns out the answer is a resounding YES! It will be more or less challenging for some people depending on your general make-up and life experience; nevertheless, it is definitely possible!
What is resilience?
Resilience at its core means adapting to change, be it positive or negative, and coming out stronger and more self-aware. Resilience helps us thrive rather than just survive and learn to handle difficult situations.
Experts say common characteristics of resilient people might include:
Self-awareness - consciousness of your own thoughts, feelings, behaviors
Having realistic expectations
Keeping calm when under stress
Empathy
Self-control
Self-motivation
Optimism
This is all helpful information, but can you wake up in the morning and claim, ”I want to be more resilient, more self-aware, and more optimistic?”
The answer is…no. Change is a process. So, how do you make positive behavioral changes?
Basic Strategies for Change from the Change Model
Create or strengthen your AllySupport (This can include spiritual support whether it be God, Angels, Buddha, or even good old mother nature. It is very healing to be in awe of something bigger than yourself.)
Practice being intentionally self-aware.
Build healthy LifeSkills.
1. What is Ally Support?
It is impossible to change or build resilience in a vacuum. It takes identifying safe, non-judgemental, non-shaming people to gather around you. Someone with whom you can truly be yourself, who genuinely wants the very best for you, and more importantly, sees the best in you. This might be a family member, a good friend (though not always), or a professional Ally such as a therapist or minister.
Regardless of who it is, it is a life-giving practice. Remember that isolation and keeping our dark thoughts (fears and shame) a secret is fertile ground for weakened resilience.
2. How to become more intentionally self-aware
Get curious about your thoughts and reactions.
Share your thoughts and reactions with Allies!!
Understand that you can change thoughts and reactions. Changing your perspective paves the road to resilience.
Experience the relief and increased energy that comes when you get your fears and thoughts out of the darkness. You will automatically become more resilient!
3. How to Build LifeSkills
Get support from professional and personal Allies.
Be open to the possibility of learning new patterns of behavior!
Evaluate what is and isn’t working for you.
Start with baby steps.
Relax in knowing that defeats and wrong turns are all a part of the process.
Be willing to fall down seven times…and get up eight - you can reach out to an Ally to give you a boost when you need it.
Develop a healthy and strong relationship with your “inner voice.” It will always guide you in the right direction, but you have to tune in. After many years of self-study, I have learned the first feeling when my inner voice is trying to connect with me is a slight and persistent tingling feeling right in the middle of my body, just below my breastbone.
Learn and cultivate a “stop, look, and listen” approach to living. And Breathe!!
Everything I am sharing here comes from my self-learning experiences and the extraordinary courage of the many people I have been able to help professionally over the years.
My New Year’s wish for you is that you will strengthen your AllySupport, increase your intentional self-awareness, and build your LifeSkills so ultimately, resilience will follow. Please do share this with those you feel need a boost right now. We can do this!
Being a safe supporter for my family, friends, and clients to make positive change is my life’s work. Please reach out to me if you might need some guidance in this process or if you would just like to share how you plan to become more resilient!
