Intentions vs. Resolutions

In the last newsletter, I offered this thought: building resilience requires changes in behavior. We know change is a process, not an event, but how do we make lasting change in our lives, especially when society tells us we need to be better versions of ourselves in this New Year? 

Making New Year's Resolutions is always tempting but remember there is a vast difference between resolutions (rigid and unforgiving) and setting positive intentions (fluid, malleable, and kind). In most cases, setting positive intentions will take you much further than creating finite resolutions if the change you want to make is one you want to last.

How to make lasting change: 

Step 1: Preparation

1. Lovingly identify the change YOU want to make.

2. Make a list of the things that are getting in your way of making that change (Barriers).

3. Choose an Ally and review your barriers.

   • A safe and trusted individual who will not judge or shame you.

   • Someone who will not lecture or preach to you.

   • Someone who can listen without fixing you.

   • Someone who truly wants you to succeed.

Step 2: Transformation

1. Start with baby steps (i.e., If you intend to be a healthier person, you may start with attempting to drink more water; your first step may be to find a water vessel you are excited to drink from.)

2. Try that baby step on for size and experience the results.

3. Begin to quietly notice your inner voice (that little compass within us all.)

Step 3: Completion

1. Acknowledge your success and celebrate yourself, even if in some small way.

2. Sit still and notice how you feel about successfully making that change. Are you experiencing any increased self-esteem or courage?

   • Be aware that you might be more open and less fearful of the next intentional change.

3. When solid with that first baby step, choose another to focus on.

My real-life example:

About a year ago, I had a health scare. As a result, one of the many things I was advised to do was completely overhaul my eating plan. I felt overwhelmed and afraid! So I told my doctor I could make one change at a time and broke it down into baby action steps.

Preparation:

I chose one thing about my eating plan that I could commit to; eliminating gluten. Using the Change Model, here is what I did:

1. I identified the change that I was willing to try.

2. I needed to identify my barriers, fears, and resistance to this change (this step requires absolute honesty with oneself.)

   • Gluten-based products have been the mainstay of my eating style since childhood.

   • I could not imagine my world without the buttery, flaky pleasure of all things gluten.

   • I felt overwhelmed and completely baffled by how to move forward.

   • I felt sad and depressed about the loss.

   • And I had very little knowledge of the gluten-free universe and was sure it would be dark, lonely, and filled with a sense of deprivation.

3. I reminded myself no one can change in a vacuum. I needed Allies! So I gathered some:

   • My naturopath who helped me understand the negative consequences of eating gluten.

   • Someone who had identified this action step for themselves and also needed support.

   • Someone who was leading a delightful and satisfying gluten-free life.

Transformation:

1. I began with baby steps.

   1. I explored gluten-free products in stores and farmers' markets.

   2. I tasted some things.

   3. I began to take notice of the gluten-free options on restaurant menus.

   4. I made a fantastic gluten-free Thanksgiving stuffing and dressing.

2. I experienced positive results. My body was feeling much better. 

3. My inner voice told me that I was on the right track and that I was strong enough to do this!

Completion: 

1. I celebrated my tiny victories at each step.

2. I began to trust that I could make healthy changes, and I reached out to support others.

3. I felt better emotionally and physically and ready to take on another baby step. 

And voila! After about three months, I had successfully eliminated gluten from my food plan, which came with very positive results. The trust and confidence I had in myself increased my self-esteem and made it easier to pick the next thing my doctor recommended.

I hope this helps you on your journey to change what matters most to you. If you have trouble identifying safe ALLIES, please know that I offer complimentary 15-minute consultations and ongoing Ally Support appointments to help you get "unstuck" and move toward creating lasting change in your life.